Doing Parts Work in Therapy
What is Parts Work?
Much of the therapeutic work I do with therapy clients in my counseling practice is to help them come to a place of emotional reconciliation and psychological wholeness with all the various aspects of themselves by doing what we call in the mental health field 'parts therapy.' Internal Family Systems therapy falls under the umbrella of 'IFS treatment' and is a therapeutic approach through which we can look at our internal psychological healing to discover deeper therapeutic insights into the issues we are facing. Depending on place, time, and who we're with, different psychological parts become activated. Parts work therapy answers questions like: Why does a certain person trigger particular emotional reactions in me? What strong emotional responses or feelings arise in myself when I'm in relationship conflict with my partner, roommate, co-worker, or family member? What is evoked in me and how do I behave when I feel emotional security or insecurity in certain situations?
All the parts of ourselves have specific emotional needs, core beliefs, and may be consciously or unconsciously affecting our mental wellbeing as we move through our lives encountering particular triggering situations and scenarios. In an effort to achieve emotional integration, we can tune in more deeply to these parts of ourselves and bring them to conscious awareness through IFS counseling versus letting them blindly run the show.
Why SHould I do Parts Work?
Parts work can support us in learning why we might be getting triggered in certain situations. For example, when we’re in conflict with our partner, it can trigger feelings of insecurity in us which then manifest as either throwing a tantrum like we might as a child, “fawning” or acting submissively in hopes that our partner may suddenly change his or her behavior to finally meet our deepest wishes and desires to be seen, heard, held, soothed, or loved, or completely disengaging. Similarly, when our partner acts lovingly and open toward us, it can trigger the open-hearted lover in us in return, or in contrast, in can trigger a part of us that is afraid of being vulnerable and we may act defensively. Perhaps our inner child arises here in a multitude of ways? Or is it the inner teenager? The critic?
Parts work can help us in figuring out maladaptive behaviors that are causing us further suffering. For example, when we are in moments of distress or vulnerability, there are tendencies toward certain coping mechanisms and particular parts of us arise in this process. Some people have a common stress response i.e. fight, flee, freeze, or fawn. Some people tend toward dissociation. Some escape through drugs, alcohol, sex, or self-harming behavior. Does the teenager yearning to rebel come out? Does the mischievous trickster arise here?
Parts work can help us in discovering what we need to heal. When we get to know the parts of ourselves that come online, we can further inquire about what it is this particular part wants or needs. Does this part want to be seen in her vulnerability? Does this part need to take care of himself through deep rest or another self-care practice? Does this part want attention in a particular way/ does it want to be recognized for something? Does this part need connection to a particular type of person or project? Does this part want to be playful, goal-oriented, inspired, loving, less in their head, more in their body, etc.?
In doing parts work, we can further integrate these aspects of the self, learn to lovingly respond to ourselves and our needs, and operate in relationship with both ourselves and others in a more conscious and compassionate way. This leads us to being a better partner, friend, family member, and co-worker, and more effective, secure caretaker to ourselves. This deep inner work spreads into every relationship and experience we encounter with the rest of the world.
What Parts might I discover in doing Parts Work?
The psychological framework behind Internal Family Systems therapy is that we are multi-dimensional beings with many different aspects of self-identity. This includes both positive and negative traits. The psychological shadow and inner light. The inner child and serious adult. The emotional spectrum from loving to fearful. The trauma responses from anger to tenderness. The authentic self and the protective parts. The inner wisdom and emotional vulnerability. Some of these personality aspects are more securely attached, showing up in a more self-aware, emotionally regulated way in our lives, while other trauma parts seek validation and manifest maladaptive behaviors to our detriment, leaving us with emotional withdrawal or causing us psychological distress.
In doing parts work in therapy, you may find your inner:
Child: wounded, playful, innocent, creative, hopeful, emotional
Teenager: rebellious, social, independent, experimental, risk-taking
Responsible Parent: aware, caring, loving, protective
Wise Elder: spiritual, compassionate, accepting, unconditionally loving
Trickster: playful, rebellious, erotic, charismatic, fun
Artist: creative, expansive, expressive, open, passionate
Achiever: goal-oriented, energetic, inspired, focused
Critic: judgmental, harsh, hurting, perfectionistic, anxious
Bully: shameful, angry, frustrated, misunderstood, abused
10 Questions to Ask Yourself about your Parts
About how old is this part?
When and where does this part tend to arise?
With who does this part tend to come out with?
What is this part feeling?
What does this part look like?
What visuals arise with this part?
What does this part want?
What does this part need?
What does this part fear?
What does this part wish for?